8/12/2005 07:52:00 AM|W|P|Danny Eagle|W|P| It's tough to return to the top of your game after Dave Chapelle dedicates a handful of skits to reminding the public what a demented loser you are. It also hurts that the skits are hysterical and, well, for the most part, true. It's also bad when your style of music has NEVER been cool. When I hear R. Kelly I seriously think about fat people humping in the back seat of a Monte Carlo in an abandoned Brooklyn parking lot. It's gross. So what's an R. Kelly supposed to do? Release a mini-movie, rap opera, titled a slightly gay sounding "Trapped in the Closet," that's what! VH1 must have had a deal with both R. Kelly and Satan to have promoted this garbage, but it was too good to simply ignore. While flipping between the usual late night crap I hit it. "Rap opera? R. Kelly rap fucking opera?!" Oh yes... The VH1 announcer could barely contain his own laughter. There are 5 episodes, of which I only saw the stunning finale and caaa-razzy plot twist. Without the benefit of the other episodes I got the gist of it. In some bizarre only-in-a-rap-video-would-my-wife-be-this-hot-style fantasy, R has just discovered that wifey has had an intimate encounter in their bedroom, which he's just missed. He pulls out a pistol, (sings about it, opera/R&B style), finds that there is (get this) a used condom in the bed, and fakes a number of times that he's gonna backhand her (and sings about it). The swears are blanked out through most of the jam giving it a bizarre half kung-fu movie vibe and the twist which I won't ruin for you is worthy of classic Shakespeare. Catch all five marvelous episodes here.|W|P|112385844322148827|W|P|Trapped in the Closet | R Kelly|W|P|scottlmoe@gmail.com